Jealousy as a neurosis

The first meeting with a psychologist: Revelation and point of support

I remember, the first meeting with the psychologist made an unforgettable impression on me.
First, it turned out that a psychologist session is not a must-have for a client monologue.
Secondly, sometimes one meeting is enough to bring out a whole luggage of insights. And how long the session lasts is the case of the therapist.

As a result, my arms were in my arms:
✔️ movie,
✔️ breathing gymnastics,
✔️ Memorial Pill,
✔️ a new understanding that relationship rules may change,
✔️ and a selection of books.

About neuroticity in Karen Horney’s books

One of the recommended books was Karen Horney’s works. Immersed in them, I made an important discovery: neuroticism is a symptom of modern society, not just a “peculiarity of character”.

Karen Horney wrote about the basic conflict of personality, which arises with the contradiction between incompatible protective trends: the desire to be loved, to be strong, to be free.

These three strategies – “to people”, “against people” and “people” – are formed as protection against the painful experience of the past: rejection, control, emotional famine.
Three neurotic strategies: search for a support or escape from intimacy

➤ Movement for people – the need for love, protection, subordination.
➤ Movement against people – the need for recognition, success, dominance.
➤ Movement from people – the desire for freedom, solitude, independence.

In real life, especially in relationships, a person can use all three strategies at the same time. And they often become the basis of neurotic jealousy.

When fantasies are stronger than reality

The psychological basis of jealousy is often imagination: that the partner “someone is” or that “I am worse than others”. Sometimes it is a fear of losing control, staying unnecessary or lonely.

This is how the neurotic chain looks:

Inability to control the situation ➪ there is anxiety ➪ Anxiety gives rise to catastrophic fantasies (“he exactly betrays me”)
➪ Faith in these fantasies (“I always”, “I’m not good”) ➪ and further – a behavioral strategy (“I stop communicating”, “Check the phone”, “I lock in myself”).

Paradoxically, the fantasies that should be protected from pain themselves become a source of suffering.

How to handle jealousy and get back to yourself

To get out of this closed circle, it is important to ask yourself the question: “What really happens to me?”
And ask until it becomes clearer.

Further:

1. To find a source of anxiety that pushes jealousy;
2. Determine their needs and desires, learn to voice them;
3. Ask yourself: why do I really expect from these relationships? Do I want love, acceptance, confirming my value – and how can I give it myself?

Gestalt therapy in working with jealousy

Psychotherapy, in particular in the Gestalt approach, helps to return to “here and now”, to distinguish facts from fantasies, to understand where another person ends and I begin. It develops the ability to be in relationships – without merging or control.

Ready to investigate what is behind your anxiety?

Jealousy does not make you weak – they can be an invitation to an important internal dialogue.If you want to understand the causes of your insecurity, learn to feel more stable and free – I’m ready to go next to you in this process.

Enroll in consultation – and take a step towards yourself.

👉 Consultation –  to go